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| http://monstersgame.co.uk/?ac=vid&vid=11023587
The above is a link to a game. You can sign up to play, or not,
but by clicking on it, you give me points. Please help a
pauper. Alms for the poor.
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| In one hobby, I pretend to be a bloodsucking immortal. In
another, I drive a giant robot. And in another, I lurk in odd
forums. I've taken up lurking in www.stormfront.org of
late. For those not in the know, it's a white nationalist forum
dedicated all things white in the United States. I tend to listen
to radio show hosts like Glenn Beck, Rush Limbaugh, and Sean Hannity,
even though I disagree with 90-95% of what they say. I suppose
Stormfront is a continuation of that habit, because I'm hard-pressed to
find anything I can agree with in their forums.
In relation to my last post, they have a sub-forum on education, where
a very common theme is the fear of indoctrination by professors in
college. For the most part, they warn against the dangers of
Jews, who apparently run most colleges and spend large amounts of their
time running out white male students, particularly those who disagree
with them. One poster felt uncomfortable writing an essay with
regards to educational inequality. The poster wanted to write
about anti-white discrimination and feared that doing so would result
in a poor grade. This individual asked for advice, which ranged
from giving the instructor what she wanted, to actively provoking a
response that would allow the student to bring a grievance against
her. The student ultimately changed topics, received a 94, and
concluded that her deception (presumably, she didn't agree with her
paper's arguments) worked.
I read this and thought, "Is this what we've come to in
education?" I've graded papers with which I've disagreed.
Some were well-written, with supporting evidence and a logical
construction, and were deserving of the As they received. Others
were horrendously written (I had one spend a page and a half on a rant
explaining why the student didn't agree with baby-killers who wanted to
give money away to lazy welfare mothers...unfortunately, this was not
the topic of the assignment) and received poor grades. Is this
what goes through students' heads today?
I don't expect students to agree with me, but when they wilfully shut
out anything you say, and dismiss any evidence or opinions as invalid,
what is the point of having them in class? Another poster
suggested that the teacher was there to regurgitate facts, rather than
give her opinions, and she should be punished for doing so. Do
you see that as a teacher's role? Why not simply replace them
with audio tapes of people reading from the text book?
That's all my bellyaching for today. Time to go be corrupted by W.E.B. Dubois.
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| Wow. I'm a whiny little bastard, aren't I? I'm in grad
school, and I'm doing well. I'm feeling a bit despairing of ever
finding somewhere outside of school that I'm not the ideological
minority. Rachel works with some good folks, but I always have to
watch what I say, because I can guarantee that we disagree about some
very touchy issues.
As a teaching assistant, I've become very conscious of the 'liberal
college elite' issue that has cropped up in the past year. It's a
relatively easy matter to discount my students' beliefs. Their
opinions are generally more conservative than mine. In most
cases, they're 19-21 years old and derive most of their beliefs from
what they learned at home. As a result, their beliefs are rarely
developed. As well, they haven't had my experience in formulating
arguments, so poking holes in them is easy.
With the news providing descriptions of teachers 'crossing the line'
and preaching their beliefs to students, I have to be concerned with
how my beliefs translate into my teaching. My beliefs will
inevitably affect my teaching. My views would be framed as
liberal by most people I know. Is a liberal viewpoint good or
bad? My take on the question is obvious, but when I turn on the
radio or news, I am informed of the un-American nature of my
beliefs. I am un-patriotic, and anti-Christian. I don't
understand what is truly important in our country and support
murder.
To hear Bill O'Reilly or Sean Hannity, I'm a plague upon my country and
a threat to my students. Here's to mutual self-corruption, I
suppose.
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| Well, it's over. Elections have a way of depressing me. Of course, it's probably because Bush has won both elections in which I've been able to vote. Having met the man when he was Governor of my home state, I can't say I was particularly impressed. I'm not quite as rabidly anti-Bush as say, Michael Moore, but I definately don't agree with him.
Rachel and I were having a discussion about the ammendment put forward that would have banned gay marriage several months ago. She was incredulous that such an ammendment would ever be presented when it had no chance of going through. Of course, she was right. It didn't go through, and as I explained at the time, it was never intended to do so. What it did was bring gay marriage to the fore of political issues for the 2004 race.
Now, honestly, I know there are people who will read this and disagree with my stance on gay marriage, and that's their right. But to make it a key issue in the election? When people say they like Bush because they agree with his morals, it brings a major sigh to my mind. The implications these days seem to be that if you disagree with Jerry Falwell and similarly-minded evangelical Christians, then you cannot be moral. Having been raised by a father who taught me to hold my honor above my personal gains and a mother who's very soul is love and compassion, I find this hard to countenance.
I pray that Bush will do better this time around. Considering the economic cycle, I'm sure the economy will be stronger 8 years from now. Of course, while this is most likely, there's always the possibility of a descent into a true depression, I suppose. I honestly doubt the presidential election will have much effect upon that.
I heard a political pundit say, the day after the election, that the democratic party has failed to demonstrate clearly what it stands for to the people of the US. I know what they should stand for. Social conscience, justice, and responsibility. Economic stability. Political inclusion. Loving our neighbors. Casting not the first stone. Bearing in mind the love we should have for ourselves and each other. Personal sacrifice. That's what I was raised to believe in as a Christian, an American, and a man. If this makes me immoral or wrong, then I shall live my life as both. To everyone out there who lives in this world, good luck. I suspect we could all use a healthy dose of it in the near future. | | |
| First of all, don't misunderstand me on this. I love my father very much. He was one of my first and finest teachers. He has always been there for me, even when he didn't agree with me. In many ways, my father is very much the person I aspire to be.
I came to realize that I have divided myself between two different personalities. In one persona, I am intelligent and confident. I am self-possessed and competent. I can bring all of my knowledge and experience (admittedly, my youth limits both of these considerably) to bear on a topic. I can analyze and anticipate, plan and execute. The closest phenomenon I can find to describing this is what happens when athletes hit 'the zone'. I know what I need to do and I do it.
Then there's the other personality. I am hesitant and weak. Paralyzed by fear and uncertainty, I cannot make a decision. I submit to others' ideas and beliefs as superior, whether they are or not.
This second personality seems to manifest whenever I am in the presence of a strong authority figure (in this case, authority figure refers to someone with significant influence in my life, not just someone in actual authority above me). First and foremost is my father. Standing up to him, a boss, or even my best friend requires a supreme act of will, even when I know it's the right thing to do. It feels like I'm bracing myself against an oncoming car, certain of what will happen to me as a result.
I can give you a fairly simple example. I need to buy plane tickets to go to my parents' home for Christmas with my fiancee. I still haven't bought them, even though I found the tickets online two weeks ago. I constantly tell myself that I need to find someone else to make sure that I didn't miss something cheaper, that I'll be able to take the time off that I need, that I can afford to go at all. I can hear the arguments in my head (no, I'm not hearing voices) going back and forth, and so here I sit, paralyzed.
I want to go to grad school and earn a doctorate in sociology. I want this. I want to teach sociology. I love it. So why can't I pick up the damn paper I wrote 3 years ago and modify it so I can send it as part of my application? I'm scared I can't make the transition to move to a new state, that I won't have enough money. I have a good shot at getting into UT at Austin's sociology program (I think) as has been pointed out by my parents, but I can't bring myself to argue for going there because I know my fiancee doesn't want to go to Texas. It's not the only option, but it is a good one and I can't bring myself to support it.
One the upside, one of my clients came within a hair's breadth of getting arrested this afternoon. I have to talk to him when I go back to work on Tuesday. What he did was lame, stupid, and pointless, and I think he's going to relapse again. I know what I have to do there. I just have to stand up to him too. I can already feel my muscles tense up. Reading back on this, I know this sounds like whining, but hey, it's keeping me from re-writing that damn paper for a few more minutes, eh? | | |
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